You are so fucking special. I wish I was special.
I want those days back when I had a fulfilled life. When I was truly happy.
Now that I'm thinking of it, I clearly see that I ain't got that anymore. I always thought that being by myself is the best choice and I don't want to see people that often. Well, things changed.
At the moment I don't have school or any stuff like that and I got so much free time. A few days ago, my crush texted me and he said that he wanted to meet me again. So we met that evening with a few other people and had a good time. We went to him and I slept in his bed. He fell asleep with his head on my shoulder. I couldn't help myself but look at his perfect face when he was asleep. I like him since last year but I didn't want to admit it because back then, I was together with my boyfriend. When we broke up he had a girlfriend 'till now. He completely broke up with her yesterday and he's not feeling that good cause they were together for like 10 months. She cried on the phone and he was so sad after that. I hugged him a few times but it kinda hurt me that I couldn't do anything for him. I felt so bad seeing him when he was down and all I could do was give him a hug. Okay, I admit, we're not that close but I really wanna get to know him better but it's really hard.
I got my indenture today and I was so fucking happy I really wanted to celebrate that with him and my best friend. Sadly I can't sleep at his place and either at my best friend's so I needed to cancel that which makes me really sad. I don't want to be alone tomorrow. I want to talk to him but I can't.
Tbh, he seemed like he doesn't care that I can't come tomorrow. I don't know what to do. I haven't felt that empty a really long time. And now, it's back. I feel like I don't have any friends who want to spend time with me. It makes me so fucking sick.